Parents and caregivers play an extraordinary role in shaping a child’s lifelong health. One of the most powerful – and often overlooked – influences is stress. Not all stress is harmful, but when stress becomes overwhelming or chronic, it can alter the developing brain and increase the risk of long term health challenges. Understanding how stress works gives families the tools to protect children, strengthen resilience, and support healthy development.
Research on Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) shows that toxic stress in early life is linked to higher rates of heart disease, obesity, depression, and substance use later in adulthood (Felitti et al., 1998). Adults with an ACE score of 5-6 are twice as likely to develop cardiovascular disease or substance use disorders, while those with scores of 7-8 are three times more likely to experience serious health problems compared to individuals with lower ACE scores (Felitti et al., 1998).
For parents and caregivers, this knowledge is empowering. It means that your presence, your responsiveness, and your support can buffer stress and literally shape the architecture of a child’s brain.
Key Takeaways for Parents and Caregivers
- Even infants and young children are affected by stress in their family and caregiving environments (Center on the Developing Child, 2023). Babies rely on adults to help regulate their emotions and stress responses.
- Genes are not destiny. Development is shaped by ongoing interactions between biology and experience.
- Children benefit from multiple responsive caregivers, including extended family, teachers, doulas, and community members.
- The first three years are foundational, but the brain remains adaptable throughout childhood.
- Severe neglect can be as harmful – or more harmful – than physical abuse, because it deprives the brain of essential stimulation.
- Exposure to adversity does not doom a child. Many children recover and thrive when given stable, nurturing relationships.
- Removing a child from danger is not enough. Healing requires consistent, responsive care.
- Resilience grows through relationships, not through “toughing it out” alone.
How Stress Shows Up in Babies — and in You
Babies communicate stress through crying, fussing, arching, or withdrawing. These signals are not “bad behavior” – they are invitations for comfort. When caregivers respond with warmth, touch, and presence, the child’s stress response settles.
But caregivers experience stress too. Hearing a baby cry can trigger a biological stress response in adults, raising cortisol levels and making it harder to stay calm. This is normal. What matters is having support, taking breaks when needed, and recognizing that your regulation helps your child regulate.
Chronic stress without support can affect brain development in both children and adults. Cortisol – a hormone essential for survival – becomes harmful when elevated for long periods (Shonkoff et al., 2012). This is why preventative care and early support are far more effective than intervention after harm has occurred.
Healthy brain architecture begins before birth and is built through serve and return interactions – the back and forth exchanges between a child and caregiver that shape emotional, cognitive, and social development (Center on the Developing Child, 2015).
Types of Stress
Positive Stress
This is short term stress that helps children learn and grow — like trying something new or meeting a challenge. With supportive adults nearby, children learn confidence and coping skills. Cortisol rises briefly and returns to baseline quickly.
Tolerable Stress
This occurs during difficult events such as the loss of a loved one, a natural disaster, or a serious illness. With strong caregiver support, the child’s stress response can return to normal. These experiences can even build resilience when handled with care.
Toxic Stress
Toxic stress happens when a child experiences strong, frequent, or prolonged adversity without supportive relationships. Examples include chronic neglect, caregiver mental illness, substance use, or exposure to violence.
Toxic stress can:
- Disrupt brain architecture
- Kill neurons in the hippocampus (critical for memory)
- Alter emotional regulation
- Increase lifelong risk for anxiety, depression, and chronic disease (Shonkoff et al., 2012)
Children exposed to trauma may show:
- Nightmares or intrusive memories
- Withdrawal or numbness
- Irritability or anger
- Hypervigilance
- Difficulty concentrating
- Emotional “shutdown”
Even when the threat is gone, the body may stay on high alert.
Importantly, children do not need to be the direct victim of violence to experience traumatic stress. Witnessing intimate partner violence or living in a chronically unpredictable environment can have similar effects.
Neglect – especially emotional neglect – is one of the most potent triggers of toxic stress. Infants and toddlers who lack responsive care show cortisol patterns similar to children who have been physically abused (National Scientific Council on the Developing Child, 2014).
Poverty also increases the likelihood of toxic stress due to instability, limited resources, and caregiver strain.
Preventing Toxic Stress: What Parents and Caregivers Can Do
The most powerful buffer against toxic stress is a stable, nurturing relationship with at least one caring adult.
You can help protect your child by:
- Responding consistently to their cues
- Creating predictable routines
- Practicing co regulation (deep breaths together, rocking, holding)
- Seeking support when you feel overwhelmed
- Building a network of trusted caregivers
Children are deeply affected by what they see, hear, and feel. When caregivers receive support, children benefit too.
Here are community resources that offer guidance, connection, and healing:
- Mary’s Center – prenatal and family health support
- Kate’s Club – grief support for children
- Mothers and Babies Program – evidence based maternal mental health support
- NW Children’s Foundation – trauma informed family resources
- Modern Collective Care – community centered postpartum and caregiver support
The Center on the Developing Child has pioneered an Early Childhood Development (ECD) framework that strengthens the foundations of healthy development. Until these models are widely adopted across healthcare and childcare systems, early childhood outcomes – and societal health – will continue to be at risk.
References
Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. (2015). The science of early childhood development. https://developingchild.harvard.edu
Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. (2023). Toxic stress. https://developingchild.harvard.edu
Felitti, V. J., Anda, R. F., Nordenberg, D., Williamson, D. F., Spitz, A. M., Edwards, V., Koss, M. P., & Marks, J. S. (1998). Relationship of childhood abuse and household dysfunction to many of the leading causes of death in adults: The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study. American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 14(4), 245–258.
National Scientific Council on the Developing Child. (2014). Excessive stress disrupts the architecture of the developing brain (Working Paper No. 3). Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University.
OER, University of Minnesota Institute of Child Development, video by Cliff Dahlberg and Vox Pop Video. For Project for Babies, Jane Kretzmann, https://youtu.be/kivv2BJhzbA
Shonkoff, J. P., Garner, A. S., Siegel, B. S., Dobbins, M. I., Earls, M. F., McGuinn, L., Pascoe, J., & Wood, D. L. (2012). The lifelong effects of early childhood adversity and toxic stress. Pediatrics, 129(1), e232–e246.
The raising of America. Episode 1, The raising of America. (2015). California Newsreel.
Wright, A. C., & Jaffe, K. J. (2014). Six steps to successful child advocacy: Changing the world for children. Sage.